So it was the start of year 9 I had a chance to make the last 3 years of high school be the best. I had to pull my levels back up if I had any chance of leaving with GCSE's and I also wanted to make some new friends. Bullying had started a little towards the end of year 8 due to my mannerisms being masculine and I started to stand out of the crowd with how different I was from the others. So here I wanted to maybe fit in more or just stop the bullying. I decided to just stop the bullying as trying to fit in wasn't my thing and just wasn't prepared to start going out with boys and wearing make up etc - just no. So instead I made friends with the 'rough' people of the school and made people think I would just batter them if said anything. Which worked as with being the new kid noone knew any different... Bliss.
Back at home on the other hand, my mum was very strict with my education (working in a school herself maybe didn't help matters) and she would literally ground me for anything out of line. Once the phone calls home started, report and detentions started I was grounded forever or so it seemed (about 9 months is a long time with no phone, internet or being allowed out!) but in the end I learnt my lesson as realised my levels at school wouldn't get any better whilst being a twat. She also threatened to sell my Oasis tickets which probably did most of the realisation of things for me.
So after months of arguements at home and getting fed up of being watched by the teachers all the time, I grew up and made friends with a group of really nice people. Soon enough my levels got higher and I was back onto doing well in school.
I was still living life as a 'lesbian' but rathered being known as a 'dyke' rather than a 'lesbian' what the difference is I do not know but to me, it seemed different. Lesbian sounds more girly than dyke :/ ha.
As time went on I started to care about my appearance. I never had before but with having very long, thick, curly hair and being the most ungirliest person ever I always had it tied back and would never do anything different with it. People said if I wore my hair down for a whole school day before the end of year 11 they would actually pay me silly money (just like my mum once said if I could let her cut and paint my finger nails once she would give me £50 and I wouldn't. Just kept biting them to keep them short). The hair being down for one day never happened either. But when I was in year 10 I decided to just get it all cut off. It was a huge step for me, as I was far from confident with my hair and my appearance. But cutting my hair was the biggest confidence boost I have EVER had.
I was still identifying as a 'dyke' and started going to the local gay bars at 15 (oh dear). This was another step to increasing my confidence and it worked. I made friends with a lot of people who I saw were like myself up until this point I had never met anyone who was gay. It was when a girl who was a lesbian joined the football team I played for, she 'took me under her wing' so to speak and took me out and she really increased my confidence. From then on I had found my comfort zone - on the scene in the gay community.
No comments:
Post a Comment