25/11/11

30 days till Christmas. Yipee - not.

So, still got no motivation to do anything with my life. Although I'm thinking I need to get a job where I'm out more. I loved working outside at Towers etc so I'm thinking along the lines of more vocational course but hey not going to have that one out with mum anytime soon as keeps having a dig about Uni as it is. Not my fault I can't learn whilst being talked at in a monotone boring voice for 2 hours. Thinking about looking into business again and set up somehow. I know it's not the most job secure thing to do and not guaranteed anything but at least I tried. Not like I can't go back to Uni in the future is it. Just in the mean time I don't feel it's the right time. Got a new lease of life being accepted as the person I am and just want to have fun and not be sat down in serious situations all the time. Just can't be arsed and want fun.

Anyway, enough of my moaning about that but it's the only thing I'm thinking about at the moment. Drew rang me today from Dr Curtis' office. I no longer need to go and see a councillor. I just need to get my psychiatrist reports addressed to Dr Curtis. Basically to say that he has the right to look after me sort of thing. What Dr Makala knows about that and what right he has in saying that to a specialist I do not know. All a bit stupid to me. At least that saves me having to go and see a councillor. Although it poses a problem of that I don't know where Dr Makala is anymore. I spoke to Andy from the LGBT Network and we have both said we going try find him somehow. Someones got to of taken over his work load so who knows what I'll be able to get. If all else fails though there is an independent psychiatrist I can go and see Kenneth Demsky who's also in London but that's more money.... £110 just to see him :/ a lot really when I already got reports but we shall see what can do. If it means another £110 then I guess that's what it takes. As I said before, no way of speeding this process up at all.

Just want my life sorted. I'm so depressed right now and just keep breaking down about it all. I'm not happy in any aspect of my life once again.