Counting down the days now and with this freak heatwave we have had I can not wait to be able to walk around topless. Nonetheless though I am still extremely scared! I have a couple of minutes of excitement and then reality hits me and I'm nervous again. I wish I knew what I was nervous about!
Had my pre-op tests today, just had swabs and blood tests done. I was a little worried over the swabs as I didn't know where they would want to take them from. Didn't know what my notes would say either whether or not they knew I was FTM or not. Anyway she took them from my arm pit, nose and groin - which she said I could do myself so it wasn't bad at all.
Mum's gone away for a few days now on a school residential so I'm home alone, nothing to take my mind off things. Work used to occupy me but I am not enjoying it at the moment, a few things have happened that have left me close to walking out but I know I can't afford to and I need to have a back up plan instead of just leaving as I don't want my anxiety starting again which it did last time I was out of work. Think I have decided that I don't want to work my way up within the company anymore, so I'm looking at going back to Uni but I hope it's not too late to apply now. Looking at either English again or a mental health course. Over the years I have received lots of help and it would be good to give back and I have an understanding in the field so be nice to be able to sympathise and be on the person's wave length I am dealing with. Just need to do some research on what's what at the moment. Fingers crossed I will eventually be happy long term in a job and find my direction in life.
So yeah with 8 days to go...... :/
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