Since my last post I have been readmitted to hospital. I had difficulties breathing which turned out to be a litre and a half of fluid on my right lung which was (and still is) infected. Scans also showed that the lung had collapsed. Other tests showed infections else where too. Which of couse meant I was back on drips and iv antibiotics. I somehow managed to escape for Christmas although on my birthday - new years eve - I was in a&e with breathing difficulties again. This time they feared a blood clot once they had ruled out an increase of fluid, a ct scan later they were able to rule that out luckily as other tests showed positive. My lung is still collapsed which is causing the breathing problems and the fluid is infected again.
I'm desperate to go back to work as I'm bored of sitting around on my own. My mind wanders when I have no distraction and I'm quite depressed over the situation as it is. Work would hopefully be a good distraction. I obviously have many fears of going back, how I'm going to deal with the bag on a day to day basis alone is enough to never leave the house again, the noises it sometimes makes are highly embarrassing and obviously other issues.
I'm still not any closer to being able to change the bag myself. The stoma nurse changed the size of the hole last time and made it much smaller which means you have to touch the stoma to get everything in place. I'm relying on mum to do this even though she keeps saying I need to start doing it. I think because I know it's not permanent I'm able to never have to do it and because of that it makes me not want to do it more than I already don't want to. I don't want to have to think about it anymore than I have to and I would find it distressing to have to change it myself. Emptying the bag is enough to deal with.
I think it will get easier as it becomes part of my routine, but some things I just don't want to have to do and if there are other ways around it then I will stick to them.
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