1/3/11 part 2

Not really a whole lot more to say but I wanted to add in that my brother called me earlier (my real brother not my brobro - thats my best mate Dan - just to clear that up) and he asked me how monday went as dad had asked. Surprised he had even remembered the date but still no consolation for the fact he couldn't pick up the phone himself and ring me. Not that I wanted him to and not that I had even thought for one moment he would!

I'm feeling more confident about coming out at college and starting to change everything over into Zach now. As mentioned before I will be going to see the counsillor at college next Wednesday to discuss changing everything over. Gives me a bit more time to test people if I want to. I don't really care about peoples reactions and never have it's just how much more I can take of the whole thing. Do I really want college to get harder? Not really lol.

Whilst driving home earlier this song came on (will post it below). It made me think of many aspects of my life. I think a lot of people would just listen to the lyrics as a break up song. Which I also did. But parts of the lyrics made me think of how my life is.
Still suffering hurt and pain from a break up last year - even though I have recently met someone who is honestly amazing :) but sometimes that doesn't help being able to let go of parts of the past but I'm sure I will before long. That is still holding me back and is the reason for a lot of my anger and frustration. Also is having effects on my trust for people and being able to confide in people. She was there through a lot for me and pulled me back up off the ground so I'm scared of letting someone else be the one to pick me back up incase things go to pot again. Takes time to move on and realise the obvious after all! Then there is also the other perspective of seeing it as a huge change in my entire life - being gender.

'I'm looking hard in the mirror, but I don't fit my skin. It's too much to take'
'I'm changing the way I feel, it's time to get real.'