23/3/11

Developing an obsession for this font. S'all good.

Just had another arguement with my mum! She finally brought Monday up (thats when I go back to Dr Makala again) and asked me if I wanted her to come with me. I said it was up to her I don't mind either way. She finally said she'll come but she doesn't know how she will be. So I suggested she came to every other one rather than every one of them. Which she said she needs to hear it all for herself, told her she did last time but it's made no difference.
Her new arguement is the fact I claim I'm not 100% female now but I'm never going to be 100% male. Just told her that I'm more comfortable in my new life now than I ever was being Rach and so on and so forth. A lot of it is just repeated stuff. How I've taken her daughter away from her and I'm a new person she doesn't want and so on. Told her I don't actually see a point to my life if she's convinced I'm never going to be happy. With her saying it'd be easier me being dead I finally told her the only reason I never did anything stupid when I was younger was because I didn't want to be selfish and leave her behind to deal with it. But as it seems, maybe that would be best.

Thinking again about just going Wales over easter just get some time alone. Try and sort my head out. Sick of punching walls again lately so maybe time alone will  help sort my anger out. Being around here is just adding to my anger. Questioning myself how I can put my mum through all of this when as she says there are no given guarantee I am actually going to be happy after it all. In my eyes though, if I'm more comfortable being Zak - being the person I truely am. I will be happy.

Time will tell...

... Other than that had a smile, a wink and a nod off my english teacher today who clearly seems fine about things. Then my tutor Denis had me in a room for touching 40 minutes talking about it with me. He didn't know how start the conversation bless him, so I just told him spit it out because his stuttering was starting to piss me right off. He seems fine about it all too. Just my maths teacher who wants to see the deed poll and still wants me to hand my work in as Rach whereas the others are more than happy to accept it as Zak. Not had chance to speak to her though so I might just be being paranoid over the way she has taken it.






p.s. said I wasn't going to do one of these every day... but I just wanted to say if you wanted to come away with me - get some time away clear heads then you can. would be nice :) xxx