Ahh, Mothers day.
What fun that was going to be with all the guilt I'm surrounded by right now.
With my brother going down Wales we hadn't got any plans to do anything anyway. I hadn't brought her anything for the day but paid for her to go and see Peter Kay this Friday. Put Rach in the card to keep the peace. Wondering when woud be the right to time to start putting Zak in cards? Everyone knows and it's something I got do sooner or later. Hmmm.
But yeah, mothers day, I ended up coming in late for tea which meant mum had pratically eaten all hers by time I'd started mine. My brother was round which was good for mum as he hadn't even text to wish her happy mothers day which he never does because he's unthoughtful and just stupid. He knows how much little things like that mean to mum yet he just still never makes any effort. But atleast he came to see her which I guess is what counts. Until he started joking around about the situation. Saying when I man up he's going beat me up then started saying to mum he knows she doesn't want hear about it etc but he still carried on. Spose I didn't help by tryna get him tell mum what the cards he thought were 'funny' said (which I put in the blog few days ago). All that ended up in mum getting upset... :( wouldn't give me a hug and just brushed me off. So I went out and didn't come back till late. Struggling to see how much more either me or my mum can take to be honest. Truely believe me moving out would help matters. Wouldn't be in each others faces so much then... Just money innit.
Had a good walk around in the rain that then turned into being really warm sunshine back into being rain. Me and Dan ended up being big kids as per. Climbing on her back so I could reach a twig hanging out the tree (as we both midgets and neither could reach) twatting it with a branch then nearly getting knocked out by it when it fell. Which then resulted in falling off Dans back :/ ha. We have agreed we live our live to the max with danger (with a few women thrown in ;) ha).
Then was completely mortified as I've become addicted to the ranch snack wraps from maccies to realise they have cheese in them :| 1) I don't really like cheese and 2) chicken and cheese together should be banned... Unless it's fresh chicken breast then thats different. But fried chicken is just a no no. Still ate it mind. Tried to forget the fact cheese was on it :D.
Then again me and Dan turned into big kids firing bits of paper at each other down the straws. Felt like I was back in high school with a pea shooter ha.
4/4/11
Had someone have a dig at me on Friday which made me really angry. Hate being patronised/being spoken to like shit. Guess me being youngest on the course I'm doing at college it was a long time coming anyway. Upset me to be honest (need to stop being so sensitive) and was really nervous about having go into college today and do the group presentation. Anxiety was through the roof which hadn't been for a while. Spent the week with a mild anxiety constantly through my body - sweats on and off and a sicky feeling that still hadn't gone. But got the better of me last night/this morning. Hardly any sleep once again even though in my brothers room. Didn't go sleep till touching 2am then woke up more or less every hour until 6am mithering over the work today. I never let anything like that bother me. But she clearly had got the better of me. Resulted in being sick etc before going college. But I'm ok now it's over and done with. Hafta have a big munch soon though as didn't eat much for breakfast :(. Still not spoken to mum but I'll leave it for when I come in from work. She'll probably act like nothing got said but whatever. Easier I guess.
Get changed go school now and then go work... Fun fun fun. Got lots of English do tonight before I go college tomorrow... Whoops. Something else I'm wonderfully behind on.
Spoke to my Dad for a change after I'd finished school as Grandad wasn't in and I told him I'd be down so wondered if he was at my dads but needed to speak to him anyway as mum had mentioned about the will being as Rach and not Zak so thought I'd give it a mention see what he said. All he could say was 'then don't change your name as you don't need to' thought he was eventually going to react but nahh, just carried on in his own dickheadish ways. Suits me though. Got a free bulb out of it for my car so bonus. I'm starting to wish I could forgive my dad for everything that has gone on as when I look to see how puberty was before (irrelevant to how much I didn't want it to happen) I had my mum there. Not that I ever asked any sort of questions but she was there supporting me. Even though I know I'm not going to get the support this time round, it's different anyway. It's time like these I need my dad to guide me maybe? Not that I want him to as last thing I want to do is walk in his footsteps but just makes me think. Father and son should never be seperated... Hmmm. Ontop of that I can't help being a bit frustrated at the fact I understand for the millionth time that my mum has lost her daughter and obviously I can't begin to think how hard that must be. But, a part of me wonders why she can't see I'm being the real me now and that she can't be happy that she's gained a true person. Understandably its the shock and I don't doubt that it's hard but yeah.... I wish she was happy for me :/
Sat up for ages tryna do the Dracula work together. Got there in the end more or less. Had Glee on in the background that we both hate with a passion! But as was the Justin Bieber special thought I'd give it a shot.... Never again. Ugh. It's like listening to cats being strangled.
Now onto doing my other assignment then sleep. Hopefully catch up on some much needed zzzz's tonight too :)
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