27/3/11

Well taken a shine to this font. Mmmm. Also developed an addiction to Jaffa Cakes... God knows why I even bother with the gym. I'm destined to be a fat slob.

Can't believe another week and another weekend over!!! Tut.
Big day again tomorrow. Can't believe an entire month has passed that quickly. Mums coming with me again despite yet another arguement at tea. Kicking off on me because I've been considering looking into having eggs frozen so later in life can have my own biological kids. Said it would be unfair on the child blah blah blah. Enough shit in the world without me messing the kids head up. Just said I'd be a better dad than my dad ever was and her reply was 'I always told you you'd be a good mum'... It's like talking to a brick wall. She was on about my sex life which I thought was a little strange looking back. Says I will never have fullfilling sex, I told her be more fullfilling than now - not that I'm having any but yknow...
Ermmm. Then I said she's not even trying to accept things etc and she said outright that she isn't even trying because she don't want to! So I may aswell just give up hoping she'll be coming around to it anytime soon because she aint even tryna help herself. Kinda made me chuckle how she said when she went counselling yesterday there was a magazine on the side that said in big letter MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO BE MY SON. Didn't think it was the appropriate time to laugh in her face so resisted. She also thinks I should have sex with a bloke before I decide to go through with it.... Told her I'd rather stick pins in my eyes as I can't begin to explain how the thought alone makes me feel - told her have sex with a woman and her reaction was more dramatic than mine so I just said there you go then. We will never understand each other!

11am I got be there tomorrow. I dunno how feel about it tbh. Last time was shitting myself over him calling me in as Zak which he did. Atleast thats out in the open now. I also suggested I should go around to tell my Uncle (mums brother) and his wife about whats going on. My mum worries too much over rejection and other peoples reactions. Which to a certain extent is understandable as she just wants to be accepted and to be seen as having a straight forward life - despite it being far from straight forward. I'm going try push for hormones tomorrow too and see if he can give me some sort of time scale to be looking at to see what the chances are for anything to happen before September...

... Gonna go jump in bed as no doubt be having a restless night. Might sit and play xbox for a while as I never got round to completing the game nor even doing any assignments. I don't know where my weekend has actually gone? I've done nothing :S need to stop being a bum and do something next weekend!

Also going to bite the bullet and do what I've wanted to for a while now... Probably be the wrong decision and be totally meh but everything has got to be worth a try. Atleast to try and get what I want back.... :/