20/4/11

Another productive day today. Also another nice sunny day. Had first Mr Zakery letter today :) was just a wage slip from work. Mum was shopping with one her friends so she didn't pick it up. Remembered I'd missed off the fact my internet banking now says Mr ZD _______ yesterday too. Told you that conversation took over my head! So maybe my new bank card will come through tomorrow. If so Mum will probably pick that letter up.

She been rather supportive today despite it probably killing her inside. With my insurers agreeing to change my name with no increase on the premium I needed to change over the rest of my documents. I'm rather crap at filling in forms so mum did help me with them and checked them for me. They been sent off so I hope that soon I'll get my ID back and it say what I want it to say! UCAS have also changed the name on my Uni stuff. UCAS Track now says, Hello Zakery. Which did make me a smile for some reason... Spose September is when I can officially put it behind me. Not looking forward to going back to college really. Spent past 2 weeks only been called Rach at home which I just take on chin to a certain extent. Even though I am slowly losing any kind of relation to being that person. Kinda weird really. Sometimes don't even think it's me they are talking to as don't feel I identify as that name. Atleast when September comes noone knows any different so don't have to go around living two lives to a certain extent.

Finally announced I'm going sell my number plate too. As much as I do love it, I'd rather get another with ZB on now. So, if you happen to be an oasis fan and want to buy my plate OA51S RB then let me know :D. I kinda feel strange selling it as I know I said when I had it I'd have it forever but I really never thought I'd find the guts to go through with this. Suppose when I get as ill as I got it left me with no choice and had to find the guts from somewhere. Atleast I'll be able to get another plate that becomes relevant again. Also feel bad because the money I used to buy it was money mum had saved up for me over the years... But did put my birthday money in there too so I guess I got see it as my money rather than mums... Even though it is mine. Just feels like got to respect it more and using it to buy a plate with the initials she hates makes me feel rather shitty.

Still not got round to going the gym :/ but did manage an essay and 3/4's today which is a start. Getting up early tomorrow (or atleast I say that now) and going hit nail on the head with them. End of the day finish college in June time I think. Not that long to go. Get it out the way and get months to chill out before Uni :).

Wanting to meet up with Max too soon. Text him earlier, think we both feeling rather shit over how slow everything is. We both said we'd been thinking of setting up a transition fund online but I dunno if people would donate when there loads more things going on in the world. Something I'm going to think about. About £5000 would do me right now lol. Go private for top surgery before September then all anxieties around starting Uni would more than likely disappear....